Sometimes it seems change is hard to come by. You might find yourself in talk therapy, year after year after year, repeating the same sad story about yourself. If you look at your old journals they may seem painfully similar. That’s why I threw mine away; unfortunately the ideas in my brain stayed. Early experiences and learning behavior through repeated interactions in the family system can lead to a life that feels unhappy and stuck. But it is actually quite easy to change, using the Kiloby Living Inquiries and similar methods based on Mindfulness.
The mind generalizes. That’s a good thing, usually. We don’t have to analyze every time we make a left turn if this is like the same left turn we made last night. Brain goes on automatic. Great if you are driving, not great if you are trying to become the person you know you can be. The mind defaults to generalizations, until we stop, take a good look, and revise the Wikipedia entry on ourselves in our brain.
Our brain sorts things like the bins at Whole Foods. Trash, Recycling, Compost. Our painful self-story can be like the toxic waste bin hidden in the back that never gets emptied. You experience something once and make some meaning about it, either about yourself or how someone like you gets treated in the world. Then you are sensitized to experiences that are sort of like that, and toss them in that same bin…each subsequent “sorta like the first one” confirming that we “aren’t good enough”, “don’t belong”, “can’t attract a partner” or whatever. But when we take these experiences, one by one, and really look at them in the light of our adult brain, they are never what they seemed to be. Long-held ideas about ourselves, what happens to a person like us, our self-image if you will, dissolves because it cannot stand the light of scrutiny. Our self-image is just that, an image in the brain made up of old words, pictures, and body sensations.